Monday, February 16, 2009

"Will The Baby Be in Our Bed Forever?"

When I talk about the benefits of bedsharing in my classes, I get such a mix of expressions. To many, they have never heard of anyone sleeping with their baby. We just don't do that in America! And for those who do, they probably don't talk about it. They certainly didn't start out with the intent of being a bedsharing family. David says that when I start talking about it, it's funny to watch the dads-to-be. He says they are imagining never having sex again! The moms, on the other hand, are imagining sleep! Oh, yes, this could be a good thing!

For the husbands, you will have sex again! Sometimes it will even be in your bed while the baby is soundly sleeping. As the baby grows, you'll find yourselves getting creative. Summer will become the favorite season because you won't be freezing outside the covers when you are having sex in other places in your house!

There will be nights when the baby sleeps in an "H" position, with you and your spouse on either side of the bed and the baby laying comfortably across the bed. I promise, someday you will laugh about it. Generally, everyone will sleep better this way, but you will have a handful of bad nights over the course of bedsharing. (Not nearly as many as those who do not bedshare.)

Some couples have their baby transition onto a pallet on the floor in their bedroom. Instead of bedsharing, you would now be roomsharing. Don't be surprised if your little one crawls up into your bed during the night for a while. It is a gradual process for most children. Don't be afraid to talk to them about what they are ready for. I had a weaning conversation with my third child at the age of 2. They understand! They will definitely let you know if they are not ready. Respect their decision. Encourage them without forcing them before they are ready. It's like potty training -- you can't make them do it. If you do, you will likely cause a rift between you. No one likes to be forced to do anything, even a toddler or preschooler. Simply mention it every couple of weeks. One day, they will just surprise you and announce that they want to sleep in their own bed tonight. You will likely have mixed emotions.

But it sure is nice to be able to have sex in your bed again, especially in the winter!


Monica said...

LOL!! Exactly what we're dealing with at the moment, it's so cold!

Kristina said...

When our youngest baby was born (hb, by the way), the pediatrician said it's ok to have the baby sleep in our room, but not our bed. Then again, he said a lot of strange things during that time...mostly how horrible I was for having a home birth. Baby slept in our bed anyway since we knew by that point that it is not bed-sharing that contributes to sids, but a whole host of other factors. In the end, though, he decided that he like his crib better. I think because it gives him more room to roll around, which he does quite a bit of. Every now and then he comes back with us for a few hours if he wakes up upset during the night, but always wants to go back to his crib after a cuddling session.

Anonymous said...

Sex in the bed with your baby sleeping soundly? Nasty.

Anonymous said...

If the baby is sound asleep and unaware of what's going on, I have no idea why you'd think it's nasty! That's how babies are made, right?